Here you can find some specific tips that might help you with difficulties ejaculating quickly during masturbation or partnered sex. To read more about premature ejaculation, click here.
For general tips to manage anxiety and increase arousal, click here.
Quick Tips
- Masturbating and ejaculating 1-2 hours before sex with a partner will increase your chances of lasting longer.
- You can try using desensitising condoms, available from most chemists or supermarkets.
Stop-Start Technique
The aim is to get used to feeling turned on, but being in control of when you get close to coming. By learning to turn your arousal levels up and down, you will gain greater control over the processes that might lead you to coming early.
- Without touching your genitals
- Imaging your arousal on a scale of 0-10. 9 = when you can’t stop yourself from coming.
- Spend time getting in the mood for sex, e.g. sexual memories/fantasies, porn
- Do NOT touch your penis, but allow yourself to get erect and notice how you feel.
- When you reach an arousal level of 6-7, try to stop and let your arousal reduce to 2-3.
- Once your arousal has reduced, start to make yourself feel turned on again.
Repeat this 2 or 3 times in 1 session.
- Introducing masturbation
- Repeat above, but this time masturbate your penis as your arousal level increases.
- Stop all masturbation when you reach arousal level 6-7, and let it fall to 2-3.
- Once your arousal has reduced, start to make yourself feel turned on again.
Repeat this up to 4 times in 1 session before allowing yourself to ejaculate if you want to.
- Including a partner
- When you feel ready, you might want to introduce a partner to these exercises.
- Ask your partner to stimulate your penis (hands/orally) until you reach arousal level 6-7.
- Then ask your partner to stop, and allow your arousal level to reduce to 2-3.
Repeat this up to 6 times with a partner before allowing yourself to ejaculate if you want to.
You might reach an arousal level of 7 more quickly when a partner is around. This is very normal – the main thing is that you stop before you find it difficult to stop ejaculation. The more control you get, the longer sex will last, increasing your confidence and enjoyment.
- Penetration
- First try penetration, with NO movement or thrusting. Hold still for 2-3 minutes to get used to the feeling. Try this a few times to build up confidence.
- Then introduce movements, starting with gentle movements and building up if you want to. Do this until arousal reaches 7, then stop and pull out of the penetration completely until your arousal reduces to 2-3. Repeat this 3-4 times before ejaculating.
You might need to practice over a few weeks before you see improvements. It can be frustrating or feel strange to do exercises around sex. We recommend you still masturbate or have sex with a partner that is just for you, without practicing these exercises, so you can still get intimacy and enjoyment from sex whilst using the exercises to improve your difficulties at other times.
Squeeze Technique
You can do this alone or with a partner. Stimulate your penis until you feel aroused and close to ejaculation. Instead of stopping, you or your partner should squeeze your penis just under the head using thumb and forefinger.
This will reduce the sensation of being close to ejaculating, and might cause your erection to go down slightly. You can then continue with stimulation until you feel close to coming again.
Repeat this as many times as you like until you feel happy to ejaculate. You will need to practice regularly over several weeks before you notice an improvement – stick with it! Practice will increase your sense of control and confidence.
Medications
There are some medications that can help with premature ejaculation including anaesthetic sprays (AKA ‘delay sprays’) and some forms of anti-depressant medication. These can be effective in reducing symptoms and helping you have more control over when you come. There may be side effects, so always speak with your doctor before starting a new medication.
Usually the best outcomes combine medical and psychological treatments, especially if you have lived with ejaculation difficulties for many years.
What Doesn’t Help
Lots of people try these strategies:
- Thinking about ‘turn-offs’ or distracting thoughts during sex
- Rushing sex, or spending less time on foreplay
- Drinking alcohol or taking recreational drugs
- Using medications to strengthen erections (i.e. sildenafil, Viagra)
- Using more than one condom (this makes condoms more likely to break!)
However, these strategies won’t increase your sense of control over ejaculation and are likely to reduce your enjoyment in sex. If you enjoy sex less and rely on these strategies, you may feel more worried about sex, which in turn increases the chance of coming earlier than you would like.
