Some studies show that people in long-term relationships are likely to be happier. However, there is a widespread myth that gay men can’t maintain long-term monogamous relationships. The reality is that thousands of gay men are enjoying sexually satisfying monogamous relationships. It is easy to look at other couples and think their lives are much rosier than our own, but the reality may be very different from what is presented on Instagram or Facebook. Focus on your relationship and make it the best it can be. Schedule some one-on-one time and maximise what is great about your relationship.
https://youtu.be/Vxx9L2VDD4U
Some people find it difficult to talk about sex. But good communication means better sex, and can make a big difference to protecting your health and happiness. The easiest way to take control is to clearly communicate what you want and do not want.
We’ve written more about this here.
If you do have sex with others outside your relationship, planned or not, then having regular check-ups is important. If you’ve decided to be monogamous but have a slip up, then your partner may not perceive themselves to be at risk of an STI. We’d suggest being honest with your partner so that they know to go for a check-up too.
People with HIV who have an undetectable viral load on antiretroviral therapy cannot transmit HIV to others. If your partner has an undetectable viral load there is zero risk of them passing HIV to you. This is sometimes referred to as “U equals U” or undetectable equals untransmittable.
Your partner will most likely know whether their viral load is undetectable so it is a good idea to talk to them about this.
If your partner’s viral load is not undetectable or if they are not on treatment then you’ll need to take other precautions to protect you against HIV – condoms or PrEP. Of course if you have sex with other people then you could still get HIV from then, so think about condoms or PrEP.
Do you have a fetish you have never explored? What does he want? What do you want? Mix it up and keep it fresh. Role-playing and testing out new things can keep the relationship alive. We’ve written more about this here.
For lots of gay men, open relationships can and do work. But you’ll need to work together to mutually agree some boundaries for what and isn’t ok for you both. For example, some couples will decide only to have sex with someone else when all 3 of you are together. Some couples might decide not to use condoms for anal sex with each other, but they will use them for anal sex with someone else. Whatever your choice, it’s important to understand what this means for your sexual health.
If you do decide to have anal sex without condoms with anyone outside your relationship then we’d strongly recommend you think about starting PrEP.
